Dear Me,
As I sit down to write this letter, I feel a swirl of emotions—fear, confusion, but also a spark of hope. I want to take this moment to reflect on the painful truths I’ve been hiding from, and the myths I’ve believed about myself. It’s time to break the silence and shatter the misconceptions that have kept me trapped in shame and doubt.
For so long, I believed that what happened to me wasn’t real or important. I convinced myself that because I didn’t fight back, it didn’t count. But the truth is, the abuse I experienced was real, regardless of how I reacted. When it happened, I froze, paralyzed by fear, and that’s okay. That’s what the body does when it’s faced with unimaginable terror. I didn’t need to fight back to prove it was real. The trauma is real, no matter my response.
There were times when I told myself that maybe I provoked it, maybe I did something to cause the abuse. But now, I know better. I am not to blame. Nothing I did, said, or wore could ever justify what happened to me. The responsibility lies with the person who hurt me, not me. It wasn’t my fault.
And then there’s the lie that I must have been weak, or that the abuse wasn’t serious because it wasn’t violent. But sexual abuse doesn’t always leave bruises. Sometimes, it leaves scars that are invisible to the eye, scars that live deep in my soul. Emotional and psychological abuse can be just as harmful as physical wounds, and my pain matters, even if it’s not always visible to others.
For so long, I believed that healing meant forgetting, that I should be “over it” by now. I thought that if I didn’t talk about it, it didn’t count. But the truth is, healing takes time—my time. There’s no rush, and there’s no deadline for recovery. It’s okay for me to take it one day at a time, at my own pace, without letting anyone else tell me when I should be healed. I deserve to heal in my own way and on my own terms.
I also believed that sexual abuse only happens to certain people, or in certain places. I used to think that abuse only happened to women, but that isn’t true either. Abuse can happen to anyone, anywhere, no matter who they are or where they come from. It doesn’t matter what background I have, or where I was. No one is immune. I was not to blame for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The abuse was never my fault.
I carried the belief that if I didn’t show signs of distress, it wasn’t that bad. But I’ve learned that healing doesn’t look the same for everyone. Sometimes, my pain isn’t visible, but it’s real. And it’s okay if I don’t show my scars for the world to see. The healing process is mine to define, and it doesn’t have to look a certain way.
There was also the myth that once I’ve been abused, I can never move on. But that’s not true. I can heal. The pain I carry doesn’t define me forever. With support, therapy, and time, I can rebuild my life. Healing is a journey, and it’s one I am capable of taking.
I used to think that abuse was only about sex, but now I know it was never about sex at all. Abuse is about power, control, and manipulation. It wasn’t about desire; it was about exploitation. What happened to me wasn’t about my body—it was about taking away my power. But I am not just a victim of an act. I am a person deserving of respect, dignity, and healing.
I used to believe that if I didn’t report it right away, it was too late. But I understand now that I don’t have to speak up immediately to make my experience valid. My voice is always valid, whenever I choose to speak it. It’s never too late to seek help, to report, or to begin the healing process.
And for so long, I believed I was forever damaged. But I am not broken beyond repair. The abuse I endured does not define me. The pain is real, but it doesn’t have to control me forever. I am strong, I am resilient, and I am capable of moving forward.
I’ve carried the weight of these myths for so long, but I am letting them go today. I am not to blame for what happened to me. I am worthy of healing. I am deserving of peace, love, and support. I have the power to rewrite my story, and it starts now, with this letter to myself.
With love, strength, and resilience,
Me
Myths addressed:
- Sexual abuse only happens to women.
- I must have done something to provoke the abuse.
- If I didn’t fight back, it wasn’t really abuse.
- If I didn’t report it, it wasn’t really abuse.
- If it wasn’t violent, it wasn’t serious.
- If I show no signs of distress, it wasn’t that bad.
- Abuse only happens in certain places or to certain kinds of people.
- Once I’ve been abused, I can never move on.
- I should just ‘get over it’ or ‘move on.’
- Sexual abuse is about sex.
- If I’ve been abused before, I’m more likely to be abused again.
- Only strangers abuse people.
- If I don’t report it right away, it’s too late.
- If I’ve been abused, I’m forever damaged.
“Giving Every Mind Service”